Alois Trancys Super Fabulous Amazing Diary
by kaaaaarl
Summary: Entailing everything from his crush on the gorgeous Claude, to his hatred of that hoe Hannah, and all about his super rival Ciel.  Read all his ramblings, and how his hair is so much better than the triplets,as it is of course, 'shinylicious'
1. Fat?

_Dear Diary._

Okay, So today was just like any other day in the Trancy household, I ate breakfast (which Claude had – of course - prepared with the utmost love for me), and then Hannah annoyed me. Biiiiitch.

Words cannot even began to describe how much I loathe that white haired, purple lipped woman. She thinks she's so hot, but she's so _not_.

But more about her later.

But honestly, just because I was choking to death on a piece of my breakfast _does not_ mean she has the right to try give me the heimlich maneuver!

The triplets didn't even try to help get her off me either! They stood back talking amongst themselves – they're so snobby! With their matching awesome hair, they think they're so better than everyone else! Pft, Bitches please, My hair is quite_ obviously_ way nicer. Its so shinylicious and soft!

But anyway, after breakfast (and a bit of Hannah-Hitting) I was going to tell Claude to get me some candy. Because who doesnt love candy – it's like the _best food ever. _I could eat candy all day, everyday! Om nom nom.

But then he said "No, your highness."

Like actually. What the f!

So, I, ofcourse, demanded to know the reason why he wouldn't go get me some of the delicious candy I desired – and get this, his answer? "..." and a blank gaze.

That bastard! Even if he's totally amazing and gorgeous and I'm _soooo_ crushing on him. He's trying to come between me and my precious Candy! And yes, dear diary, I did just capitalize the word Candy- It's just that important to me.

So I went to go and get the triplets to get me some, but they shook their heads! _All _of them did_!_

I was debating whether I would go to that disgusting woman as a last choice option. This is proof of how much I needed my Candy! I would _never_ trust Hannah with anything as special as my Candy!

But then the need for Candy won, and I went to go try find her and demand she fetch me some candy _at once._

I cant remember it entirely but the following conversation went something like this:

_"Slut, go fetch me some Candy at once."_

_"My apologies Danna-Sama but I cannot."_

-Here's where I started getting outraged.

_"WHAT! Why the hell not!"_

_"Claude has forbidden us all from allowing you any more sweets. Im sorry."_

_"Why?"_

_"Erm, Danna-Sama, I don't think you really want to know the answer. . ." She whispered with her bowed head low. _

_"Hannah, I demand you tell me this instant why no one will buy me any Candy." I seethed._

_"..."_

_"NOW, Hannah."_

_"Because Claude thinks you are getting a bit fat around the thighs. . . and everywhere else."_

She was lying obviously, there is _no way _that I, _Alois Trancy__, _could be **f a t**. I was a bishie! A super fine one! I make all the girls and boys fangasm!

. . .

Well. . .

My shorts are feeling a bit tight.

. . .

Shit.

Time for some excercise. . .

Wait!

Boxing is a sport, right? Which therefore means it's excercise!

"Oh, Hannaaaah!"

Ciao for now! -Alois Trancy.

**AN.**

**Don't get me wrong, I adore Hannah, it's just that . . . Alois doesn't xD**

**The next chapter will either be about his 'Super Rival Ciel' or his "Super Crush on the amazing Claude" or perhaps even an entire chapter dedicated to his hatred of Hannah :D**


	2. Clauuuuude

_Dear Diary_

I have two words for you. Claude. Faustus. AKA : My future husband.

_Alois Faustus_. Sounds epic.

_Claude Trancy?_

_Alois Trancy-Faustus?_

_Alois Faustus-Trancy?_

_Claude Faustus-Trancy?_

_The future Mrs Faustus. . . I mean .. . the future **MR** Faustus . . ._

Great, now I sound like a Fanboy.

He's like. . .

The Romeo to my Juliet! The Sebastian to my Ciel! The Matt to my Mello! The Germany to my Italy! The Hannah to my Montanna! The Prince Eric to my Ariel!

I just can't help myself! His hair, it's just so dark and lustrous and soft. He almost has better hair than me! And I'm Alois Trancy AKA hair god! And let me tell you right now, his hair, it smells _sooo_ good.

It's not like I know that because I crept into his room one time while he was asleep and smelt him . . .

Im serious!

. . .

It's been more than once. . .

Sleeping Claude smells amazing.

Almost like Awake Claude, but more sleep-ish. If you know what I mean. . .?

Mmmm.

. . .

Claude. . .

Nice.

Okay, so even though we're obviously destined to be married some day, and live in a small mansion with several children (they're going to be named: Claude Junior, Claude II, Little Claude, Claudius, Klaude, and the twin girls Clauderina & Claudella) Claude DENIES our burning passionate fiery love!

He says it's "Just an one-sided slight affection, that you'll be over soon."

He obviously doesn't think about how good-looking (and good-smelling) our children would be!

But don't worry, he's just a little bit oblivious about things such as these – He'l realise how totally _wrong_ he was to deny our love . . . eventually.

. . .

And when that happens, he will be_ all mine ! _And that means his ass will be all mine! And what a great ass it is.

Everything about Claude in general is great though, to be honest. But dayum, his ass. . .

Niiiiice.

I mean, even if he did call me fat, I still love him. (Which just incase your wondering, Im totally not fat anymore)

He only did it out of niceness !

He just didnt want me get any health risks like diabetes or something!

I mean, he never actually said anything like that . . . all he said was

_"Your highness, You're fat. And I can't bear looking at you wearing your slut shorts- They show off all your leg fat. You jiggle when you do your little faggot dance. You disgust me in ways you'll never comprehend."_

Yeah! That's totally it! He just was looking out for me!

See! He really does care about me!

It won't be long before he declares his undying love for me! Im so excited!

I should go practice my dancing, for all the times when we will dance romantically in the moonlight! (Which, Im sure, will be soon.)

I wrote a poem about Claude today; I call it Ode to Claude.

_Claude Faustus._

_Your last name looks like Faucet._

_But you don't remind be of a tap._

_You make me want to fap._

It's awesome, right!

I might add more later, but I'm currently Candy-deprived, and I don't want to make it sound weird.

And besides, I spent nearly four hours on it.

I'm gonna go show it to him now!

I hope he likes it!

Ciao for now,

Alois Faustus (Ps: Iv'e decided to go by my future name now)

**AN**

**Oh Alois, you crazy child.**

**And hooray for other series refrences :D**

**Including Disney ones!**


	3. CostumeParty

_Dear Diary_

I am so freaking excited right now, words cannot even describe my feelings at the moment. Haha kidding; I'm a master of words, so it's only natural I should be able to describe my current feelings.

Excited. Ecstatic. Joy. Hungry. Happy. Annoyed. (Although, the last one is only because Hannah just walked into the room. In my mind I'm shouting at her to gtfo)

Ok, the reason, Dear diary, as to why I'm so currently excited isn't because Claude finally manned up and declared his love for me or whatever (Alas!).

Buuut, guess who was just invited to the Phantomhive estates Costume Ball!

Ok, yeah, they're totally just ripping off my party I had a while back – but it's still gonna be fun.

Im just dying for a chance to humiliate Ciel (who just happens to be my super rival – don't worry, your going to be hearing alot about him later, diary).

Like, a couple of months ago – I saw him sitting with his fiancee whatever her name is, and I started asking Ciel if he had gotten those 'embarrising test results back from his doctor yet' and about how this is a _perfect example_ as to why staying 'safe' with Sebastian is important.

Because, you know, males are much more susceptible to certain '_diseases_'

Pft, who cares if he is only 13. He knows what I meant. Dirty little kid.

But damn he went bright red. And whatsherface started spluttering everyone and looking like she was about to faint. But as I was strutting away (Alois Faustus _does not walk_, he is far too epic for that) I think she had recovered because I could hear her squealing about how "Kawaii" yaoi is. Disturbed little fangirl.

He was so humiliated though. It was so worth it.

For me personally, the best part about costume balls is picking out a costume. Unless of course you have an entirely useless hoe of a maid that happens to be named Hannah. Ugh. Ew. But anyway, as I was previously saying – I adore costumes! They're amazing, you can be anything you want to be, you can even cross-dress and it's totally okay!

And the second best thing about this costume party is that Claude was invited too!

. . .I guess Sebastian was to afraid to invite me without 'someone to keep control of the unruly young Master Trancy.'

Why couldn't they just forget about the last few Phantomhive parties which I attended by myself!

I wasn't _that_ bad!

I mean, sure, I made Ciel cry (victory!),_ nearly _killed that weird gardner kid, and the mansion _nearly _went up in flames, and I ruined the entire staircase. (I'm personally rather proud of all these spectacular feats)

But they were all _accidents_! Except for making Ciel cry,_ that _was on purpose.

Haha. He's such an emotionally repressed boy – You just have to strike the right nerve (something about his parents, aunt, how he sucks so much because he's an orphan and it's his fault his parents are dead.) And boom, he's crying more than me every night when I'm alone. . .

Oh shit, diary, I just realized it's nearly time for the party! I have to go and pick a costume real quick! I'll fill you in on the details about the party when I come back, kay?

_Ole!_

-Alois Faustus-Trancy

**AN**

**What should Alois' costume be? I think I have an idea – But if one of you guys can come up with something better then that would be awesomesauce. And how do you think the party should go? :P**

**Ps:Because you are all so super amazing you should go vote on my poll :D**


	4. SRFL

_Dear Diary,_

Ok, I know I said I had to go to the party – but Ciel had his butler call to say that it's going to be commencing an hour later instead. Something about someone dropping all their dishes and good china, and how they had to quickly replace some before guestsarrived. And something about how there had been a slight accident with their gardens (where the ball was to be held for the evening).

They must have utterly useless servants! Unlike me, I have the best ever servants! . . . Except for Hannah. She's useless.

So whilst I'm waiting for the funtasticness this party promises, I feel I should dedicate a page in my diary to that bastard Ciel Phantomhive.

Incase you didn't know, he is my sworn enemy. My Super Rival for life. SRFL.

Except the worse part is; He claims to_ not_ be my rival! He insists that he has 'better things to do than fight with some insane child'

Heeeloooo, Im _older_ than you Ciel!

Don't be calling me a child! Your just jealous because I'm taller than you. Midget child.

. . . Although I'm not going to deny the 'insane' part.

I hate Ciel, alot. It's everything about him! Including how he thinks he's so hot! He's as bad as Hannah. . . But not really.

Incase you ever read this Ciel, I'm about to point out some things that you may rather not read. Ps: I HATE YOU.

His hair (which is such a weird colour!), his eyes (theyre so creepy), his nose (ugh, mine's better), his ears (which are pierced, _on both sides_!), his mouth (I bet he can't do awesome things with it like I can), his _chin_ (oh god, words cannot describe the hatred I feel towards his chin and how much I hate it).

And last but not least, his fashion sense. Everything he wears his sooo ugly! He doesn't have super hot clothes like I do. Have you _seen_ my shorts? They're so hot. They make me feel like a slut, but in the good way. And plus they make my legs look damn fine, even if they are allready damn fine. Unlike Ciel's legs.

He sickens me. As does his chin.

So I ,like, totally have deep hatred for my SRFL. I even send him letters nearly everyday! They're hate-mail ofcourse, but he's so rude and never replies! Except once, to ask what SRFL meant. LOL he doesn't understand acronyms like me. I decided not to mail todays letter, and instead give it to him today. I'm so totally smart. This way he'll _have_ to reply!

I'm gonna write it down in here aswell, so then you can see it too diary!

_Dear SRFL. _

_I hate you. _

_Everything about you._

_Especially your chin._

_Go to your doctor aunt, and get it removed. _

_Oh wait, you can't._

_She's dead._

_PS: It was your fault._

_Love always, Alois Faustus-Trancy._

So what do you think? I'm fond of it, although that's just because I wrote it.

Well. . . I still have time. . . Im going to write some more and then decide which one I should give him!

_To the second most annoying person in my life._

_Go die please._

_From someone much better than you._

Hmmm. . .

_To Ciel Phantomhive._

_Did you know that; you're not hot?_

_That, as a matter of fact, you repulse me immensly._

_That, your chin is absoloutely disgusting, and gives me nightmares._

_I hate you so damn much, I call you Hannah the Second inside my mind._

_Sincerly; A.F-T_

I actually rather enjoy that one.

I might write him a poem!

_Dear Ciel / SRFL_

_Your parents are dead._

_They were covered in red._

_It was your fault._

_-Alois Faustus-Trancy_

Hmmmm . . . It's going to be a tough decision trying to decide which one I'll give him.

Well, I better be going to the party now, So I'll write in you when I get back, kay diary?

PS: Im fabulous.

-Alois Faustus-Trancy.

**AN:**

**Don't worry, the party scene is up next ! **

**Which letter would you prefer Ciel to get?**

**This is random, but kinda important;**

**How do you prefer the Phantomhive maid's name spelt?**

**A: Maylene**

**B: Meirin**

**C: You don't mind either way.**


	5. Partaaay Part 1

_Dear Diary._

This whole thing was becoming ridiculous, Picking a costume is so _hard_

I was just going to go dressed like a hooker, but I didn't want people mistaking me for Hannah.

So; I had the utmost brilliantly devious plan ever, you'll find out about it later, but I'll tell you this : It involves a costume change. Be prepared for epicness.

But my first costume will be a mermaid. Super cool, right?

. . .

Actually thats kinda gay when I think about it.

I know! - I'll be Prince Charming! And Claude can be my princess!

. . .

. . .

I went and asked Claude. . .

He said no.

D:

. . .

I still love him though, so it doesn't matter. (He shall realize our love one day!)

So I was still undecided about my first costume. I took of my top. Ta Da! Instant awesome costume. And paired with my shorts, it looks hot. I am – afterall- fabulicious with a hot body.

Claude tried saying that he didn't think it was appropriate for a formal costume party - but I knew he was enjoying looking at me (who wouldn't. Im shirtless.). Even if his face had traces of disgust and repulsion on it. . . He loves me so much, it's insane.

We were about to leave when I remembered I had nearly forgotten my letter for Ciel, but don't worry, I took it with me.

* * *

So we arrived at the Phantomhive estate and I was having a pretty good time, Ciel hadn't been over to see me yet (how rude!) so I hadn't had the chance to give him his letter. Although I was starting to get bored. _Not_ a good thing.

I walked around until I found the weird gardner kid I nearly killed another time, time for some _fun_.

"Hey, whats a pretty lady like yourself doing getting her hands dirty in a garden? I have another place for your hands to get dirty . . . if you want." I said.

"I'm a boy!" He shouted at me, he was so outraged, I was amused. Wait. . . _what_! He's a boy?

"B-But . . . your hairclips! . . ."

"They're manly!"

"You're even gayer than I am!" (And that's quite an accomplishment)

"! I'm not gay! I love Miss Angela!" He started babbling on about some woman, whic to be frank, I didn't get why he was telling me this, I didn't even care about the kid, why the hell would I care about who he loves?

He didn't even notice me leaving, thats how caught up he was in babbling about some woman.

When Ciel was finally free from all the business people trying to get in on the Funtom company money I saw my chance and ran up to him quickly. (and awesomely. And let's not forget hotly.)

"Hiiiii Ciiiieeeeeel!" I greeted my SRFL enthusiastically, something that he of course didn't recipricate.

". . .I'm not even going to ask why you're shirtless."

"Super Rival for Liiiiife, I got you something!" I said producing the envelope that contains my super awesome letter.

"If it's something along the lines of 'LOL you're an orphan. . . you suck' than I'm not interested." He always kills my buzz. What a dick.

". . . Um. I have to go super quick, kay? But I'll be back!" I had to go write a new letter for my SRFL.

_**5 minutes later**_

"Super Rival for Liiife! ! ! I have another letter for youuu! And it doesn't have anything about your parents!" I said pushing the letter into his hand. See, I _am_ capable of niceness.

"_Dear Ciel,_

_Your ugly. I hate your chin. I loathe you. I detest you. I hate you. So, so, so much. Please go die in a ditch somewhere. But not by my mansion, I have a feeling you would be even uglier in death. If thats possible. Love always, Alois_." he read the letter outloud.

. . .

Why the hell was he smiling?. He's so creepy when he smiles! He shouldn't be smiling! I gave him hate-mail! He should emotionally destroyed!

. . .

Why is he pulling out a pen?

He was crossing out bits of my letter! And then re-writing something. . . what is he up to?

"Maylene, come over here for a second. I have something to give you." He ordered over some girl with freaking huuuge glasses and gave her the letter. She burst into tears as she read it. Why is she crying over my letter to Ciel? She ran off with tears trailing in the air behind her. Poor girl.

"Um . . . what was that about?" I asked my SRFL.

"Oh, nothing. I just crossed out my name and wrote hers, and signed it off from Sebastian."

"Why?" "She annoys me. She's the one who broke all of my good china."

"But. . . doesn't she normally do that?"

" . . . yeah."

"So why did you give her some hate-mail today?"

". . . She tried grabbing Sebastians ass."

Riiiiight. It was clear that everyone here was crazy.

Time to put my plan into action. I gave Claude the signal and he nodded. Things were about to get interesting.

* * *

**AN**

**Thank you so much everyone for your reviews, I'm so happy you guys like it.**

**I squee everytime I see a review, like actually. :D**

**Oh Alois you sneaking bastard, what are you planning? And does it perhaps have something to do with a certain someone's fiancee . . .?**

**Don't kill me because I left it here. . . there will be a second part coming soon. :D**

**And just for fun here's how 'Maylenes' letter looked.**

**_Dear Maylene;_ y_our ugly. I hate your chin. I loathe you. I detest you. I hate you. So, so, so much. Please go die in a ditch somewhere. But not by my mansion, I have a feeling you would be even uglier in death. If thats possible_**

**_. Love always, Sebastian._**

**Jealous!Ciel ftw.**


	6. Partaaay Part 2

It was time to put my super awesome plan into action, I bade Ciel goodbye and retreated into the mansion. I was wandering around the corridors when Claude found me.

"The plan is all set Your Highness, everything you need is in that room." He said pointing at one of the Phantomhives spare bedrooms. I quickly raced into the room and grinned with satisfaction as I saw all the items I would need on the bed.

One pink frilly dress, adorned with a ridiculous amount of bows and lace.

And one long blonde wig, styled exactly like a certain SRFLs fiancees hair.

Oh, and speaking of a certain SRFLs fiancee . . . I could hear her screaming in the cupboard where Claude had tied her up in- how annoying. . . but then she stopped . . . and started saying something along the lines of "This musty old cupboard is so KAWAII! ! !" And people say_ I'm_ strange? Eh. Whatever. Someone will find her _eventually._

I pulled off my shorts and quickly got changed into the dress and pulled the wig on over my hair. And then I had to really quickly go see if I looked hot in the mirror and then everything would begin. There's no time to waste!

_10 minutes later_

"You know that you've been standing in front of that mirror, posing, for over ten minutes now don't you?" Claude chose that particular moment to show his face and reprimand me and ruin my fun.

"But Claude! I look hot!" And damn, it was true. I can definitely rock the 'crossdresser' look. Plus, I looked almost exactly like Elizabeth Middleford – apart from the eyes, but I doubt Ciel _ever_ gazes into her eyes enough to know what they really looked like. (If I was trying to get away with acting like Sebastian however . . . )

"No, you most certainly don't. Not at all. You never do. . . You're hideous, on the inside and out." Claude was busy saying something about how I looked really hot. As usual.

"Claude, please. Could you stop talking about how hot I am, we have work to do. Although, I really appreciate it."

"I said no such thing!"

"Oh hush Claude, don't try to be coy."

"You know you disturb me deeply, don't you?"

"But in a sexual way, right?"

"N-"

"Claude! We have to go! Stop wasting time by talking, and let's go allready! Where's Ciel?" I cut Claude off before he could say anything else, because really, we did have to find Ciel and put the plan into it's final phase.

So after _hours_, wait no, make that_ minutes _of vigorous searching I finally spied Ciel.

"Claude, go hide over there somewhere, if Ciel sees you with me – he'll know it's me!"

I watched as Claude left my side to go way over to the other side of the garden. . . I didn't know he could move that fast. . . It's _almost_ as if he was waiting the whole time to get away from me. How laughable.

I made my way over to where Ciel was standing talking to some woman with long brown hair and gently tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ciiiieeeeeel!" I gushed out in my most girliest voice possible. He sighed and then turned around . . . and then just stared. Haha! Now's my chance to do something so insanely embarrassing, he won't ever be able to show his face ever again!

**AN: . . . Suspense! XD**

**If anyone ever has any ideas that the would like to perhaps see made into chapters then don't be afraid to leave it in a review or pm me ! ;D **

**The next part will be up soon :)**

Alois is so trannylicious.

_You know you disturb me deeply, don't you._

_But in a sexual way, right? xD_


	7. Partaay final  Gay?

And he stared, and stared and stared. His bright blue eye trained on me, eyebrows knitted in a frown. Mouth turned down into a painful grimace. He was staring with contempt. . .

_He knows who I am. He knows who I am. Damn! Why did this not work? It was supposed to be perfect! The way he's staring with such hatred. . . he knows I'm Alois. _

I was completely freaking out, all my hard work was going to go to waste! There was no possible way he would stare at his fiancee like that -

"...Elizabeth."

Well, apparently he would.

"Hiiiii Ciel!" I repeated, this time throwing my arms around his neck and giving him a big hug, only to be shoved off a second later, I fell to the ground and landed on my back. Perfect. I pulled Ciel down on top of me so that he was splayed across me.

"Ciel! Is this anyway to get a lady on her back!" I said whilst shooting him a scandalized look.

Ciel went the brightest red I have ever seen in my life, but the best thing is that nearly every person at the party was staring with shock at the apparent scene of the reserved young Earl lying on his 'fiancee' in a very compromising pose.

"E-Elizabeth!" he stuttered, trying to get up off me.

"Ciel!" I smirked at him and pulled him closer, he started flailing and trying to get off. He's_ such_ a ladies man. Note the sarcasm there diary.

"Elizabeth! What are you doing! Everyone is _staring_!" He hissed. Aww, he was trying to be intimidating.

Everyone was looking absolutely shocked, although I suppose I couldn't blame them, It probably looked like a mini porn show to all of them. But still, I want to see each and every one of their reactions.

I saw my SRFLs maid in the midst of a fainting from a nose bleed and couldn't help but giggle.

Sebastian was nowhere to be seen. Oh wait, he's . . . filming this entire thing. . . Creep.

Where's Claude? Oh , I understand. He probably got so jealous of Ciel that he had to leave so he wouldn't be tempted to kill him for getting to touch me. Yes, that sounds probable and likely. Poor Claude, he has such a nasty jealous streak, even though he always denies it.

But . . . back to the current situation. I'm on my back with Ciel on top of me. What to do next. . .

. . .

Shit, I have nothing.

Well, I really probably should have thought this plan out a bit more. . .

. . .

Um.

. . .

Oh! I know!

. . .

. . .

Ciel was rather shocked when I started kissing him.

"Elizabeth!" He shouted and finally managed to get off me and stand up. I stood up also and stared at him.

"Yes?"

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing!"

"...Nothing."

"-" He started to say something but I wasn't really listening,This was getting tiresome. So I interrupted him by pulling off the wig.

"Haha, Super Rival For Life – It is I, Alois Trancy!" I stated loudly.

"Wha-"

"So, I fooled you, didn't I? You really should know your fiancee better Ciel."

"Get out."

"I will, in a second, I have something to announce first."

"I don't care, just get out. Now."

"But this is super important. - Can I have everyone's attention please!" I yelled. Although, it was admittedly unnecessary seeing as how everyone was already staring.

"I have an announcement everyone. . . Ciel Phantomhive is GAY." I said loudly.

"What are you doing Trancy?" (Well, he said it a lot more rudely, with curse words)

"It's true everyone. He kissed another boy. AKA me. So therefore he's gay." Everyone was nodding at my logic. Ciel was having a spaz in the corner and trying to assure everyone that it wasn't true.

Claude appeared at my side again and asked if I was ready to go back home.

As we were walking away he was staring at me with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Yes, Claude?" I asked.

"Your highness. . . You _do know_ that you were the one to kiss him first, and he didn't exactly respond to the kiss. _And_ he also was under the impression that you were a girl, don't you?"

"Of course I know all that Claude. What about it?"

"Well . . . Doesn't that make _you_ the gay one?"

"Psh, no way."

_**ALTERNATE ENDING..**_

_I made my way over to where Ciel was standing talking to some woman with long brown hair and gently tapped him on the shoulder._

_"Ciiiieeeeeel!" I gushed out in my most girliest voice possible. He sighed and then turned around . . . and then just stared. Haha! Now's my chance to do something so insanely embarrassing, he won't ever be able to show his face ever again!_

"_Alois Trancy, What the hell are you doing?" _

_Damn._

**AN:**

**Finally, the end of the 'Partaay' parts. XD**

**And it even has an alternate ending! XD I personally prefer the alternate one, But . . . yeah. Instead you get all this random shit. :D**

**I'm so ridiculously sorry about how long it took for this to get out, but ehhh. Schools started again. It drains my CREATIVITY :P**

**Has anyone else seen the english dubs of Kuroshitsuji? I detest them! D: Maylenes voice . . . Oh god. And i'm pretty sure Ciel is voiced by a woman? **

**If you have any ideas for chapters then leave them in a review or whatever :D**


	8. Watch

_Dear Diary._

I am amazing. But of course you already knew that.

It's getting rather late, and everyone else is already asleep in their own beds. (Well, not Hannah – She has to sleep on the floor.) And therefore I am bored. And I mean _ridiculously bored. _Like, I am so bored right now – I would nearly start talking to Hannah to relieve my boredom._ Nearly_.

You may be wondering to yourself, "Alois you fabulous hunk of boy meat – If it's so late, why don't you go to bed like everyone else."

The reason is simple – I secretly consumed a few dozen handfuls of candy before I went to bed. So now I am on quite possibly one of the best sugar-highs I have ever experienced, So going to sleep is most certainly not an option.

Ugh. . . I'm bored.

. . .

Still bored . . .

Let's see . . . What do I normally do when I'm the last one up, and everyone else is asleep...?

Oh yeah,

_C l a u d e w a t c h i n g._

Hell yes.

**~ 5 hours later**.

Ffft yes. I just had about 5 hours of staring at sleeping Claude. _Jealous much?_

- Alois Faustus-Trancy. AKA Mister Amazing.

* * *

**AN: Nnngh it's so short... but I realllllly wanted to put something out on valentines day. ****HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!**** I love all you guys! This chapter will prolly be expanded some time in the future ~ :D woot.**


	9. CLAUDEWATCHING GAIZ

It was dark outside. Well, no shit. It _was_ night-time after all.

I crept along the darkened corridor, keeping my feet off the floorboards I knew would creak if stood upon.

Some people might think that what I'm doing is wrong. Okay, more than some, nearly everyone except for hidden perverts like Agni. But to me- it's not. Honestly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Claudewatching. Nothing at all.

Okay, well, it_ is_ kinda weird. But noone else knows, so therefore I conclude it's fine. And besides, it's not like I do it everyday. . . Wait no, disregard that, that's a lie.

It's just I can't help myself, Claudewatching is so damn addictive. It's the thrill of staring at him, mesmerising all of his features, from his glossy black hair, to his eyebrows.

Oh god, his _eyebrows_... I would love to run my fingers through them all day, feeling the soft fine hairs that have been styled to perfection. Mmmm... Those eyebrows. Fap Fap Fap.

And his nose, so perfectly straight, with those incredible nostrils that are always so clean and mucus-free. Not that I ever stare up his nose or anything . . .

But anyways. . .

I was nearly at Claudes bedroom door. I could barely hold my excitement, in a few seconds I would be staring at Claude, doing what I was born to do. (Y'know, besides being awesome)

. .2. . .1 . . . and . . . I was in. Shutting the door softly behind me as to not wake Claude I made my way to the end of bed.

He was sleeping on his back tonight, giving me perfect access to stare at his sleeping face.

He slept on peacefully, blissfully unaware of my presence. I moved over to the side of his bed, leaning over until I was only a few inches away from his face. I wonder what he would do if he were to wake up now, and find me inches away staring. . . I think he would like it. Or be terrified, either one really.

I leaned in even closer so I could smell him. As I have mentioned before, sleeping Claude smells amazing.

This went on for another 5 hours, until I decided that Claude was probably going to wake up soon, so I should probably get my tongue out of his ear and go back to my own room.

**AN:**

**This was written differently to other chapters, I know. It's not really a diary entry but yeaaah, I had no idea how to write Claudewatching as a diary entry. But enjoy! And there shall be another proper chapter up today ~ Alois has a new love interest ~~~~~ and I'm pretty sure you won't be able to guess who it's gonna be. Woot. ILY EVERYONE. :D And I'm so thankful for all the reviews, I have no idea why this even has 50+ xD**


	10. Alois x ?

_Dear Diary_

I have the most exciting news_ ever._

I have fallen in love. With someone other then Claude! (Don't get me wrong diary, I still love Claude. . . but this person is equally amazing) And better yet, I'm fairly certain that this person returns my feelings!

It all started earlier today, I was out for a 'romantic stroll' with Claude and I decided to pay my Super Rival For Life a surprise visit. Claude disagreed, and told me it was a stupid idea. But I think he was really meaning that I should do what I like.

So we went to the Phantomhive mansion, but when we knocked it wasn't Sebastian that answered. It was the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. He was average height, and was slightly older than what I normally go for. (AKA He was older than Claude)

He had silky grey hair that was combed back, along with a moustache of the same colour. He had a monocle resting over his right eye. His skin was covered in wrinkles lining his face. It may sound creepy, but I wanted to just run my tongue over the folds and explore the crevices. Mmm. . . wrinkles.

I was brought out of reverie when he started to speak, his voice rasping sensually over the words, like only a person over the age of 60 can do.

"I'm sorry, but the young master is not in at the moment, he is in town with his butler attending to some business." I nearly fangasm'd right there and then.

"Oh no, that's quite alright. I've already found someone else to occupy my time." I hinted whilst I winked at the man. Claude was staring at me incredulously. Is he perhaps jealous of this gorgeous stud I'm giving affection to?

The man whose name I still didn't know was also staring at me, although it was more a 'curious' kind of look, rather than Claudes 'what the hell is he doing' look.

"Perhaps we should leave now Your Highness." Claude whispered to me.

"Nonsense Claude, although_ you_ may leave if you wish." I whispered back and then raised my voice so the elder gentleman could hear.

"Oh how rude of me, I didn't even introduce myself! I'm Alois. Alois Trancy. But you can call me whatever you like." -Another wink sent his way.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Master Trancy. You may call me Tanaka." He said with a slight bow.

"The pleasure is all mine_, Tanaka."_ I purred, enjoying the way his name rolled off my tongue. Tanaka, Tanaka, _Tanaka._

OHMYGOD. HE WINKED AT ME.

I am so in!

Forget Claude and his flawless smooth face, I have feelings for Tanaka and his wrinkles!

And then the most amazing thing ever happened.

He SHRANK. Like, poof! He was so cute and little!

"Hoh, Hoh, Hoh." he muttered whilst drinking some tea. _Where did that come from?_

"Claaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! Can we keep him?" I asked excitedly, tugging on his sleeve.

"Absolutely not. Besides, he isn't yours Alois, he belongs to Ciel." he said sternly.

"But Claude ! I want him!"

"No."

"But he's everything to me! He's my future lover!"

"You disgust me."

"Oh Claude! I knew you'd agree! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"I said_ no_,Alois. You're_ not_ keeping it."

"He's not an 'it' Claude! He's _Tanaka!"_I cried whilst drawing chibi Tanaka into my arms and hugging him tight. "Don't worry Tanaka, I'll figure something out. We can be together someday._ I promise_." I whispered into his ear.

POOF.

Tanaka transformed back into his real form, and it was kind of awkward, considering I had him on my lap.

"I'm sorry Master Trancy, but I work for the Phantomhives,I must stay here." He said in his incredibly seductive voice.

"But Tanaka, I think I love you!"

"I feel the same Alois. But this was not meant to be, I'm sorry. You must leave, the young master will be back shortly, and I know of your rivalry with him."

"But _Tanaka!" _ I gave him one last hug and slipped my number into his pocket.

"Call me, okay?" I whispered.

"I will."

And so, diary, I am still waiting for that call. Claude is sulking in his room or something.

I proclaimed my love for Tanaka at the dinner table today. Claude merely blinked and then left the room. Hannah was the only one who seemed to approve, except, it is _Hannah_ we're talking about, so I don't really care what she has to say.

Oh Tanaka, we shall be together some day. Just be patient my love. And y'know, don't die of old age or something. I still haven't had the chance to tongue your wrinkles yet.

-Alois Trancy-Tanaka.

**AN: /shot.**

**Drink Smirnoff guys, You will get amazing ideas for pairings.**

**TANAKA X ALOIS SHOULD BE CANON. srsly.**


	11. Phonecall

Dear Diary

Damn, I have been missing out on the best ultra sex for _years._

Haha, no,no, I'm only kidding, Tanaka wants to wait and I respect his decision. And besides, I want the moment to be perfect when it happens...

Okay so as you might of already guessed, Tanaka and I are together, like as in actually a couple.

Needless to say - Claude was _not impressed_ and Ciel was raging mad. Something about how Tanaka is a grandfather figure to him and that I was ruining everything. Whatever- haters gonna hate.

It was a few days ago that Tanaka first called me -

"_Alois, someone's on the phone for you." _

"_Claude, Is it Tana!" _

"_Must you use that disgusting nickname? But yes, although don't get your hopes up. He probably just wanted to let you down gently." _

"_Oh Claude, you have no idea about the powers of true love. . . I pity you, I just hope that one day you will be able to find happiness like I have." I sighed as I took the phone from Claude. Poor Claude, he won't ever be happy. But who cares? I have Tana now~! _

_As I got caught up in daydreams about the future I heard some static crackle from the phone. Oops, Tanaka was waiting!_

"_Hiii Tanakaaa~" I sang into the phone._

"_Alois? Ah yes . . . wondering if what you said the other day is true? The part when you said you had feelings for me?" _

"_Of course! I would never lie to you Tana! Especially not about things like that! But. . . why? I thought you said we couldn't be together?"_

"_I know I said that, but I think that we could make this work."_

Claude keeps telling me that I'm being foolish, and that I shouldn't be with Tanaka. I swear that I saw a hint of jealousy in his eyes today – or perhaps hatred (actually it was most likely the latter.)

But he doesn't understand me! He doesn't understand how I feel! He doesn't know how much I absolutely love Tanaka!

I even wrote Tanaka a poem (I'm rather fond of writing poems, diary)

_Tanaka, Oh Tanaka,_

_You are lovlier than the moon itself._

_Nothing is able to compare to you,_

_Your sinful wrinkles draw me in._

I'm going to give it to him tomorrow, when I've arranged for a surprise date (I'm so excited!)

-Peace

Alois.

* * *

**.AN:**

**Someone asked me about fanart in a pm, YES I would love it if you did some fanart for this! If anyone has ideas for chapters than please say :3 Ohoho~ Tanakas and Alois' date next :D**

_**Wooooooooot. Ps: To anyone that has been to Armeggedon (New Zealand); is it worth going to? I was thinking about going this year. :3**_


	12. Trouble In Paradise

_Dear Diary_

I hate my life.

I hate Hannah, I hate the Triplets, I hate Claude, I hate Ciel, And I especially hate _Tanaka._

I don't care that I was proclaiming my love for him just yesterday, I completely and utterly hate him.

. . .

I'm serious.

Earlier today was supposed to be our surprise date, I had Claude set everything up – I would go to the Phantomhive manor when I knew Tanaka would be the only one there and then set up a romantic picnic. I was all set for an afternoon of wrinkle-licking!

But _what _do I find when I get there? Tanaka and some _creep_ being kinky on the floor!

I swear I could feel my heart breaking into pieces.

* * *

"_What the hell are you doing Tanaka! How could you do this to me!" I screamed after seeing the sight. Just who the hell did this guy think he was?_

"_Oh- Um... Alois! What are you doing here?"_

"_I_ was_ going to surprise you with a date – but I can see you're already _busy_."  
"It's . . . not what it looks like...?" The compananian had offered weakly as he adjusted his glasses._

"_And who are you?" I asked the wrinkle-stealer. _

"_William T. Spears. Who are you?" _

"_Well, Mr Spears, I _was_ Tanaka's lover – and future husband. But it appears that he is just a shameless harlot." _

"_Alois. . . wait! I can explain!" _

_

* * *

_

So I suppose that Tanaka and I are officially over. Perhaps it was all for the best – I don't know. All I know is that I have a new name to add to my 'To Die' list. William T. Spears –_ You will pay for what you did._

Claude wasn't exactly . . . supportive, about the whole thing either.

He didn't even offer any sympathy! All I got was a blank stare and something along the lines of 'You deserved it."

I even tried saying how completely and utterly wrong I was to ever consider leaving his side, and that my love for him still burned as bright as ever.

I even told him that he was pretty!

But he kind of glared at me for that. . .

Pft.

But back to my tragic-ness.

I simply cannot believe that Tanaka would cheat on me! I'm Alois Trancy! I'm way hotter than that William guy! And I was going to take our relationship to the next level today! Licking his flappy wrinkles above his belly button! And now I'll never have the chance to do such things! My life is _ruined!_

I can still lick Claudes belly button, but he has no wrinkles! _And_ it has some hair in it! (I told you he was a deep sleeper. Seeing as how he hasn't caught me yet.)

It's bizarre actually, his belly button has more hair in it than his nostrils.

. . .

Um.

. . .

Don't judge me!

. . .

-The incredibly fabulous Alois Trancy.

* * *

**AN: TANAKA YOU SHAMELESS HARLOT.**

**Out of curiousity would anyone hate me if I started another crack series about Tanaka and his slut-ness? :3 It would be updated less frequently then this one and stuff though, Because this is like my baby :D.**


	13. Strange Hobbys

_Dear Diary_

We've known each other for a long time, right? (Well, You_ are_ my diary.) So I should be able to tell you _anything_, yes?

Well . . .

The truth is. . . I have a slightly weird hobby. . .

Well, It's not _that_ weird. (To me.) But Claude threw an _absolute bitch-fit_ when he found out. He called me all sorts of hurtful name, even more so then usual. I believe his exact words were :

"*blank stare* Ew." And then he went to go make me dinner or something.

I was _emotionally crushed_. He said I was 'Ew' ! I am not_ ew_! My hobby is not _ew_!

Okay, perhaps in a certain light, it could be construed as slightly off-putting. By some people. Okay, most people. But still!

Diary, do_ you_ think that taking little snippets of peoples hair and then keeping them to later smell is creepy?

I don't ! Some people collect stamps. I collect others hair (without their knowledge, because I'm part ninja.) and often smell it later.

The truth is, I'm rather proud of my collection, I have over 100 different pieces of hair. . .

But not really. I only have like 15ish. But that's nearly 100 so its ok!

There's:

Claudes (obviously) ,

Ciels (also obviously)

Tanakas (lying, cheating whore)

Hannahs (althought that was more out of spite than actually wanting to have her hair... And it may have been more than just a 'snippet' She looked even worse when she was bald haha)

Timbers

Canterburys

Thompsons

Sebastians (it was actually ridiculously hard to get this piece)

William T Spears (HOME WRECKER!)

Finnians

Maylenes

Bards

(Phantomhive servants are ridiculously deep sleepers)

Uncle Arnolds (…)

My SRFLs fiancees

Viscount Druitts (Although he actually _gave_ me a piece of his hair, so I'd 'remember him forever and ever' with some weird metaphors chucked in also)

And it's not my fault if some peoples hair smells so good, that I smell it at night when I'm alone in my room! And it's most certainly not my fault that Claudes hair smells so damn good that one time I was kind of licking it (Only to see if it tasted as good as it smelt!)

And it's not my fault I'm doing it at this very moment! I was just . . . hungry? And . . . Claudes hair just happened to be in a locket around my neck. . . it was very convenient actually.

But _of course_ this happens to be the moment Claude checks in on me, to make sure I'm not dying or whatever.

He looks rather horrified. Did he just throw up a bit?

You would think he would know by now that he doesn't want to know what I'm doing in my room at night.

I hate my life sometimes.

Well, I should probably go and attempt to explain myself . . . and try and wake Claude up from his spot on the floor. Where he's fallen asleep all of a sudden. Oh. . . he passed out actually.

Well Bye!

~Alois The Non Creeper.

**AN: Haha, I disgust myself sometimes with what I write xD Because, really, licking a snippet of someones hair? **

**And I'm ridiculously sorry with how long this has taken to be updated. But I have my reasons! NCEA. Fml. Thank you so much for the reviews :3 If you have any ideas for chapters then please tell me!~**


	14. Claudes Memories

**AN: **__**please read~**

**This is not exactly a 'chapter' of Alois Trancys Fabulous diary, seeing as how it's not a page of Alois' journal – it's more of a deeper explanation of why Claude didn't exactly approve of Alois x Tanaka. . . I just cbf making a new story just for this bit. I suppose it's from Claudes point of view? Idk. XD ENJOOOOY~!**

When Claudes young master Alois Trancy had announced his relationship with a certain gentleman named Tanaka, Claude was heartbroken.

No, not because of the fact that Alois was in a relationship- hell no. He could care less about the little brat. Claude Faustus was heartbroken because he had also once been in a relationship with Tanaka.

They were the best days of his life really. Time spent blissfully lazing about in the summers sun, embracing his more petite lover.

His only care in life was when the sun would start hiding its golden rays and he would have to bid farewell to Tanaka and return home to the damn Trancy mansion.

Of course he would later sneak into the Phantomhive mansion as soon as Alois was sleeping, to be eagerly greeted by the waiting Tanaka. It had slowly become a habit, It had started as perhaps only once a week but it had somehow escalated to six nights every week.

It would have been seven nights a week if Claude had any say, but Tanaka insisted on having every Tuesday alone.

It was then that warning bells should of started ringing inside Claudes head, because _why Tuesday_? Surely if Tanaka returned his love as he claimed to, then should he not want to spend every waking moment with Claude?

Sure he had Hannah and Timber,Canterbury,Thompson and Alois to occupy his free time with, but there was no possible way they could even begin to compete with Tanaka. Except perhaps Timber . . .

Sure – their relationship wasn't completely perfect, whose was? They had silly little squabbles over stupid things, every couple does. But all was forgiven with hushed apologies and tears of regret. It was the closest to heaven Claude Faustus ever believed himself to be.

Until one day would change his life forever.

It was a Tuesday night and Claude was bored and missing his lover. They hadn't been able to meet for a few day because Claude had to go to the city with Alois.

Claude knew that Tanaka has specifically told him that he was not to go to the mansion on Tuesday nights; but Claude was desperate to at the very least just see his one and only.

Even if only for a few brief seconds. The trip would be worth it, because Tanaka was worth it.

It was all set to be perfect, just another ordinary night between the two lovers.

. . .

Except for the fact that when Claude arrived in Tanakas bedroom he was greeted by a 'suprise'

_His_ Tanaka was lying on the ground heavily making out with another man.

And _that_ was when Claude would swear he could feel his heart breaking into a trillion small pieces, to never be fixed.

He was having an internal debate, let them know that he was here, and be sure to cause a whole load of awkwardness, or just sneak out before they noticed his presence?

He had just decided on the latter, when Tanaka made a noise of suprise and pulled away from the mystery man whose face Claude had yet to see.

"Oh! Claude! Um. . ." Tanaka tried to find the right words to explain the current situation but was reduced to only be able to babble rather incoherently under Claudes icy gaze.

"Tanny-chan? Whose this 'Claude' person?" The stranger asked, looking up at Claude for the first time.

Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding. Claude knew this person, although . . . they never really got along, what with the whole demon-shinigami prejudice thing they had going on.

Claude was at a loss for words. The idea of Tanaka cheating on him was unbearable, but the idea of Tanaka cheating on him with none other than . . . Grell Suttcliffe was even more so. The man was a absolute nutter! A gender-confused one at that!

"It's. .. not what it looks like? Hoh. . Hoh. .. hoh. . ." Tanaka tried to explain.

"It's_ exactly _what it looks like, actually." Grell felt the need to interject.

"That's it. . . you're not getting any tonight, Grelly." Tanaka glared at the red head.

Claude . . . was feeling mildly nauseated. And heartbroken of course. His one and only, his so called 'soulmate' . . . had feelings for_ someone else. _He could already feel tears prickling his eyes.

Gone would be the happy days of doing nothing in the sun with Tanaka. Claude was destined to be alone forever. And with that final thought, Claude turned on his heel and left the Phantomhive mansion to go wallow in depression for a few months.

. . .

Only to be greeted with the fact that his young master was pursuing a romantic relationship with his ex, a few months later.

A part of him wanted to warn the young boy, _'Don't, he'll only hurt you. . .' _And possibly end up saving the childs heart from being broken.

But then he remembered it was _Alois_ he was talking about, and kept his mouth shut.


	15. Expressions1

_Dear Diary_

Have you ever noticed that Claude doesn't show much emotion? If any?

I, being the incredibly emotional person I am, have absolutely no idea how he can possibly live like that!

How can you not smile, when something pleases you? Even if it is only in the slightest way?

How can you not cry, when you feel upset? Not even one single tear?

How can you not scream in frustration? Especially if you have to live with me?

How can you not even show boredom on your face? Because life must become rather mundane after a few centuries, wouldn't it?

I swear, one day he's just going to POP with emotion, and it's _not_ going to be pretty. . . well, it will be pretty – because it's Claude. And he's _so pretty._

. . .

_Tanaka_ was pretty . . . I miss him.

. . .

Well, except that I'm still pissed about the other day, when I found him with yet ANOTHER man. The little Phantomhive gardener Finnian. It actually kinda creeped me out though too, so eh, whatever.

. . .

However, back to what I was discussing earlier. Claude needs to show more emotion! So I have decided to embark upon the most grandiose of plans – To get Claude to show some emotion, _any_ emotion at all really.

. . .

But it would be pretty awesome to get him to show lots of emotions actually.

EVEN BETTER plan~!

I'm going to try get him to show every emotion. Well, not_ every_, but lots.

I am one smart fish.

What should the first emotion be? Um . . . I don't really know.

Wait! Yes I do! Fear!

But the real question is – how do I get him to show fear? What could possibly scare him? He's a demon for crying out loud! He's not supposed to be scared of anything!

FML. This is harder than I thought it would be.

Okay, I know what would scare him! My plan is utterly fool-proof!

He's rather scared of commitment,_ and_ my love for him, so my idea should work.

. . .

.

.

.

**10 minutes later**

.

.

.

Diary, let me tell you what just happened.

Okay, so I went to go put my plan into action, and went and found Claude.

"_Claaaaaaaauuuuuuudeeee! Where are you darling?" I yelled, hunting until I found him hidin- I mean, cleaning a cupboard. He wouldn't hide from me! …_

"_Oh, Um... Alois. . ." _

"_There you are, you silly goose! Were you hiding from me?"_

"_... Of course not."_

"_Yeah sure, but anyway, What I came to see you for, is that I have something I have to get off my chest..." I said as I looked at him right in the eyes._

"_..."_

"_Well, Claude, the truth is – I love you, so much, infact I even wrote a poem for you! Do you want to hear it? Well I'll tell you anyway. I call it 'Ode to Claude'_

_Claude Faustus_

_Your last name looks like Faucet_

_But you don't remind me of a tap_

_You make me want to fap_

_And so, I was just wondering if you would perhaps marry me?"_

So, yeah, does vomiting count as showing fear? But he did it with a blank expression, so I suppose it doesn't really count.

But, I have discovered the way to make Claude completely and utterly terrified. Like, as in he was about to pee-his-pants scared.

Tell him that Hannah's on her period and wants to have a word with him.

-Alois the great.

**AN: Ohoho~ guess who has a dA nowwww. And guess who just got SAI. And guess who drew chibi Alois and chibi Tanaka (: so if you want to look its under the same username as here. Or just type in 'Alois wants Tanaka' (its pretty shit tbh) Or just to say Hi if you have a dA :D, SOOOOO, what expressions should Claude have to show next? Review and say! The one with the most will be next (: AND, I wanted to thank everyone so much for the reviews! (How does this have over 100!) And a shout out to LuNa6780 for being the 100****th**** reviewer -YOUR AWESOME :3 aaand Hannah on her period is apparently terrifiying.. xD**


	16. Boredom

_Dear Diary_

Ugh. I hate my life. It's so boring! There is absolutely _nothing_ to do! No one's here to talk to, it sucks.

Hannah is busy cleaning, or whatever. (It's not like I pay attention to what she does anyway.) And besides, I wouldn't want to talk to her anyway. I would totally get Hannah-Germs. EW.

And the triplets. . . I actually don't know where they are either. . . perhaps I'll go find them later, for some easy entertainment or something.

And Claude is in town, picking up some items I requested. I got a hole in my favourite pair of shorts this morning, and it was tragic. So he went to get me a new pair exactly the same. He's just so very, very, very, very, very, very, very considerate. And so very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very kind.

When I asked to go get me a new pair of shorts he wasn't even mad. He just gave me a very, very, very _loving_ glare. I could of sworn I heard a few curse words being mumbled also, but then I decided that they were probably meant to be affectionate. So I hugged him. And promptly got shoved off, onto the floor. But I'm sure he meant it to be nice.

He really should stop caring about me so much. Honestly, it's like he's utterly love-struck half the time. . . well, kind of.

Psh, I don't care about details.

Ugh, but now that I'm finished reminiscing, I'm back to my original dillemna. I'm BORED.

Claude won't be back for at least another hour! What am I supposed to do for a whole HOUR?

It's time for some intense thinking. Be right back.

Okay- I'm back. And I came up with an idea as to what I should do for the next hour. Write more letters!

I'm _so_ amazingly intelligent, It surprises even _me_ sometimes.

I'm going to get to it straight away. Hmmm, who first? Pft, Ciel.

_'Dear my darling Ciel Phantomhive._

_I'm writing this letter to express my deepest sympathy,_

_regarding the very tragic demise of the late Madame Red._

_Her passing was much too soon, I understand you and Ms Red were close._

…

_..._

_What a shame that it was your fault she died._

_Ha~_

_xoxo_

_-Alois Trancy-Faustus._

I find myself to be very hilarious. Perhaps I should be a comedian?

I bet Claude's nearly back now. I'm going to go check what the time is.

…

Oh no! Claude still 59 minutes away!

Well, I'm going to go wait beside the door for awhile. I bet it will make Claudes day when he opens the door and the first thing he sees is me. Naked.

…

Well, I _was_ joking when I first said it, but that's actually a great idea. Gotta go now diary.

-Alois Trancy

**AN: I have totally legit reasons as to why I haven't updated in ages …**

**And besides, I'm totally running out of ideas for chapters D: FML. (If you have any, leave them in a review! I would love you FOREVER :3)**

_**/And now you can skip this rant bit if you want/**_

**To the absolutely 'lovely' person who sent me that message, I wish I could say I'm sorry for 'totali rewning mii fav karackter bcoz he ttly dosnt akt like tht in the anime' But I'm not really. I know that I have some spelling mistakes, so I can't really talk, but FFS, don't talk like that :/ It kinda takes away from the 'flame' affect I'm guessing that was supposed to have... and one of the genres this is in is 'parody/humour' It's most definitly not meant to be serious. I get what your trying to say (I think), but if you have such an issue, I don't get why you just exit out of the story? I apologize if this ends up sounding bitch or whatev/**

_**/Rant over/ **_

**I love every single one of you that have reviewed. MUCH LOVE to you all. :D**

**And thank you so much to all the people on dA that are super lovely :3. I apologize for the length of this author note, I promise it will never ever be this long again. (:**


	17. BFFL

_Dear Diary._

I have the most exciting news. _EVER._

I have a new best friend!

Timber used to be my best friend, but I don't think he was into it as much as I was. . . whenever I tried having a gossip-session with him he would look uncomfortable and stay silent.

This one time, I tried asking him how good his Thompson and Cantebury were in bed. And then he said that he wouldn't know! I thought they were just three guys having some kind of brother-fetish threesome, but they're apparently _actually related. _And_ not_ dressing up the same just to be kinky. I was rather disappointed to be honest. Timber looked rather nauseous and close to crying as he tried to explain.

Well, there goes an opportunity.

. . .

Maybe I can get them to reconsider?

. . .

No, probably not.

So anyway, I decided that Timber was a pretty shit best friend.

And that meant that I needed a new best friend.

Hannah offered.

I stabbed her with my spoon. Note to self : Spoons make very ineffective weapons. As if I'd ever let _her_ be my best friend! She's_ icky._

Diary, did you know that reapers exist? I wasn't really surprised, (My household staff are demons, I'm pretty used to the supernatural by now) but I was_ kinda _shocked.

Because when I think of reaper, I think of a skeleton wearing a cloak. _Not_ a fabulously dressed guy with red hair that's nearly as _shinylicious_ as my own.

I'm bringing this up because my new best friend so happens to be a reaper.

His name is Grell! He's soooo cool diary, he's like my soul mate, but in a friend way! He's soooo great! We just met yesterday, but we're Best Friends For Life already! We even have matching bracelets to prove it! His is red, and mines gold. They're made of awesomeness!

He keeps going on about the colour red though, it's kinda odd, but who am I to judge? It's just kinda weird though when he keeps comparing his friendship bracelet to his 'one true loves' eyes. "Oooh, look Ally,(that's totally his nickname for me) my bracelet shines just like my Sebbys eyes!" Although, I did buy mine to perfectly match Claude's eyes, so I can't talk. We spent the whole afternoon gushing about aforementioned demons. It's a surprisingly great bonding activity!

"Oh look, Grelly! Doesn't my bracelet just match my darling Claudes eyes so very perfectly!"

"Oh my, it does indeed! Don't you think that my bracelet matches my darling Sebastians eyes so very perfectly also!"

"Oh, indeed! It's quite simply fabulous! Nearly as fabulous as Claude, infact! Look at how the light slightly glints off the golden thread! It's like my soul mates eyes! Except less soul-less!"

"Oh yes! Its quite simply lovely! LOVELY LIKE BLOOD!"

And then he said something about Sebastian and death being awesome. I wasn't really listening.

Claude called them something suspiciously close to 'faggy', but I think he actually meant to say 'fabulous'.

Grell is coming over later, I have to go get ready!

OLE, bitches.

-Alois Trancy-Faustus.

* * *

**AN:**

**Thank you so much for all the suggestions! I will be definitely keeping them for later use :D If you get a sudden brainwave and think of another, feel free to send it. Part 2 of this will be up later~ xP ALOIS & GRELL WOULD SO BE BFFL IN CANON. ;D Out of curiosity, does anyone here watch/ has watched the marble hornets slenderman shiz?**


	18. Scarred

Dear Diary

I. Am. Emotionally. Scarred. For life.

You know how I said Grell was coming over later?, well he did. And we were just hanging in my room, talking about our true loves, when it started getting late. Nine hours sure past by fast when you're talking about your soulmate. We also talked about our hobbies for awhile too.

He enjoys killing people, and the colour red. Although I already knew that. He tends to go on abit.

But I forgive him, because he's my super best friend. And super best friends accept each others flaws.

Well, he doesn't have to accept my flaws, because I don't have any. But you get the general idea.

As I was saying, time sure flies by, because the clock in my room started chiming, signalling it was midnight.

So I suggested we have a midnight snack, because that's what cool kids do, and we're totally cool. I was about to yell for Hannah to move her slutty ass and make us some sandwiches when Grell said we should just go do it ourselves, so we didn't wake everyone.

My best friend is _sooo _smart!

We were walking down a hallway, making our way to the kitchen, when I noticed a chink of light shining out from the bottom of Claudes bedroom.

I was rather curious, considering that Claude is _never_ up this late.

So I crept closer, and then. . .

I heard giggling.

. . .

Coming from Claudes room.

_Claudes_ room, diary.

_Giggling._

Needless to say, I was beyond confused.

It was a WTF moment.

So I had to know what was happening.

So, I used my stalker skills, and silently made my way to the door, and opened it.

It was one of those things that will forever haunt my mind.

Claude, sitting on the floor with the _bastard, Tanaka-stealing, _William T Spears. Both of them giggling. Both of them wearing pink pyjamas. Both of them drawing moustaches and writing slanderous things on a few dozen cut out pictures of my SRFLs Butler, Sebastian Michaelis.

"Hey, hey, Claude, look how stupid Sebastian looks with a moustache, hahahaha." I heard William say.

"Hahahahahahaha, indeed. Look! I drew a mono brow on this one! He looks so dumb!' Claude giggled back in response.

They were too absorbed in their vandalising of photos to even notice me.

So I shut the door and walked out, thoroughly more disturbed then two minutes ago.

"Was that Will?" Grell asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can we just go to bed?"

Now I'm just waiting for the nightmares that are sure to happen.

-The incredibly creeped out Alois Trancy.

**LOL, Claudes pink Pj's from the OVA :L**

**Has anyone else seen it? Its made of crack and epicness. MeirinxRanmao is practically CANON nao.**


	19. DiscreetWatchingPaysOff

_Dear Diary_

Today I found a weapon capable of MASS DESTRUCTION.

Or, at the very least, SLIGHT HUMILIATION and EMBARRASSMENT.

I'm serious. Earlier today Claude and I went to the Phantomhive manor for a bit of stalking-

Did I just write 'stalking'? Oops! I meant to say _discreet watching. _Because, I, Alois Trancy-Faustus, do _not_ stalk. I watch people discreetly. Through their window. Without their knowledge. There's totally a difference. . . Well, in my mind there is. And that definitely constitutes as factual-ness. If that's even a word. Oh well, in Alois-Land everything I say is factual. So therefore factual-ness MUST be a word.

OH GOD DIARY, SEE, I'm so _excited_ that I'm rambling.

But anyway, back to what I was saying, Claude and I were at the Phantomhive manor, outside Ciel's bedroom window. Watching Sebastian change Ciel into his nightclothes. Technically I was the only one watching, and Claude was politely averting his eyes in disgust.

AND OHMYGOD, Sebastian looked out the window when he was finished clothing the brat. Because seriously, he's old enough to get changed himself! Well, I know that _I _make Claude dress me sometimes. But that's only for the sex appeal. Not because I'm incompetent!

But Claude stayed calm, and gave him the finger. Sebastian looked rather shocked, but left anyway. After putting his bocchan under the blankets and tucking him in. FFS, Ciel's useless.

I'm still wondering as to why Sebastian didn't close the curtains. Maybe it was because of the hidden video camera just to the left of Claude and I, with the writing_ Property Of Sebastian Michaelis. Touch this camera and I'll eat your soul_, written on it. Was he planning to film my Super Rival For Life sleeping? Because that's kind of creepy.

. . .

I'll have to ask if I can borrow it sometime.

. . .

Not to use on Ciel of course, but Claude.

My pedo-senses started tingling

…

After Sebastian left the room (giving Claude a rather nasty glare) I expected Ciel to fall asleep or whatever he does. I did not, however, expect him to reach under his pillow and pull out a worn leather-bound book. I also did not expect him to grab a pen off his nightstand and start scribbling something down in it.

And . . . there were tears dripping onto the book as he wrote. It was delicious.

"Claude, is. . . that his . . . diary?" I whispered. He gave me a look as if to say 'WTF bitch, how am I supposed to know?' (but in a caring way) And shrugged.

But then he decided to add on "I. . . am not sure. However, it looks like it. And, I thought I should inform you that generally males have a '_journal'_ not a _'diary_', As the word 'diary' is more commonly used by_ females._"

I think that he was trying to say that I'm not manly! I'm just so manly that I call it a diary. Because I think if I called it a journal then I would explode in flames of manliness. And die.

And _diary_ just sound's much more _fabulous._

After what seemed like an age, he put his diary back into it's shit hiding place and fell asleep.

I quickly got Claude to somehow open the window and give me a boost inside. Using my ninja skills yet again I crept over to the bed and stared for a while at my resting rival. And then at his chin. OH GOD, THE HIDEOUSNESS. It's grotesqueness actually distracted me as I turned to run out back through the window, to get away from the chin. When I remembered I hadn't actually grabbed the diary yet.

So I turned and yet again went back to the bed. And **snuck** my hand under the pillow and grabbed the diary.

Success.

I jumped out the window, expecting Claude to catch me in his arms, when I noticed that Claude wasn't . . . there.

And promptly hit the ground with a thump.

. . .

I have a really massive bruise on my hip now, because Claude decided to go and peer in someone elses window.

I followed over to the window he was intently gazing in. What the hell is with none of them closing their curtains? Don't they know that creepers could watch them sleep.

Like what Claude was currently doing to -

Wait,_ why the hell_ was he looking at my beloved ex sleeping? He then noticed me standing next to him, and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Shall we go back then?"

"Why. . . were you looking at Tanaka sleeping...?"

"Um . . . I wasn't. . ."

"Can we just go home please? I need to read this diary."

"_Journal_, Alois. Men call them _journals_."

"Shut up."

"Yes, your highness."

So yes, I have Ciel Phantomhives diary. It's going to be used to embarrass him so much. It's my newfound weapon of mass humilation.

I've read the majority of it, and it's pretty much only filled with lame stuff. I'll copy down one of the pages, and you can see how lame it is.

_Dear Journal,_

_Today Sebastian and I went to town. I got a new cane._

_It's very pleasantly adorned. It has a skull on it. _

_The skull is the perfect size, not big enough to be flashy, but big enough that it's noticeable._

_Maylene broke all of my new china set. _

_I was rather annoyed._

_I slapped Finnian today, for being utterly useless and ruining my garden. Yet again. He cried._

_Life is mundane._

_-Earl Ciel Phantomhive._

_PS: I must remind Sebastian to buy a new brand of tea. The new one leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It is not enjoyable._

See, it's totally boring! It's so mundane! It's so unfabulous.

Although, there_ are_ a couple of hilarious parts.

_Dear Journal_

_I miss my mother so much, And my father also. And Madam Red._

_Sometimes I can't help but blame myself for their deaths._

_I feel so depressed sometimes. Nothing will make my life enjoyable once again._

_Sometimes all it takes is the memory of mothers laugh, and I cry. _

_No one knows, not even Sebastian. I cry a lot lately. _

_I hate my life._

_-Ciel._

That part made me laugh.

That page had a lot of dried tear stains on it. I found it amusing.

And I even found a part dedicated to me!

_Dear Journal._

_I hate Alois Trancy. So very much._

_-Earl Phantomhive._

Isn't it sweet of him to write about me?

There's also dozens of pages dedicated to Sebastian. Some even with little doodles of stickmen that I presume are supposed to represent Sebastian. Often there's little hearts scattered throught out the pages with_** C.P** 4** S.M **_written inside.

So now I just have to find a way to exploit his diary and humiliate him.

_-Ole, Bitches._

_Alois Trancy the Great._

* * *

**:3 Dedicated to The Almighty Mian. Because she has mad drawing skills. And I am extremely jealous. And because she is really lovely :D YOU INSPIRE ME. & I LOVE YOU. xD**


	20. Splode

_Dear Diary._

Two days. It's been two whole days since I (for lack of a better word) 'borrowed' my Super Rival For Lifes diary/journal. _Two days_. And I still haven't come up with a plan on how to use my newly aqquired possession to completely humiliate him.

Well, I've come up with a few ideas, but nothing absoloutely amazing and worth my time.

This has got to be planned to the last detail. This is so _not_ going to be some half-assed thing. This is going to be grandoise and epic. If I can come up with something like that, that is.

UGH.

Being an evil mastermind is _hard work_. Like, _seriously_. All this thinking is killing my braincells off. All of this effort, and yet no result! It's streneuous. I swear I can feel my brain cramping.

. . .

Oh god, what if I die from over-thinking! I can't die yet! I'm young and hot! I'm in the midst of my prime years! The impact of my death would shatter the earth to it's very core! Theres so many people that would mourn me! They would all be crying at the same time, and there tears would form like . . . an _ocean_ or someshit! And then they would all drown! And it would be like . . .

THE END OF HUMANITY!

AND IT WOULD ALL BE CIEL'S FAULT.

That little bitch.

And Hannah would be at blame too, naturally. Y'know. Somehow. Perhaps she killed everyone that didn't drown in tears. With her sluttiness. Somehow.

. . .

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, diary.

. . .

Apparently I've also been repeating what I'm writing, outloud. Because just came into my room and told me to "Stop screaming." he also reassured me that I wouldn't inadvertantly cause the end of humanity if I were to die because "You're completely fooling yourself if you think that would actually die. Besides- even if you were to die for some inexplicable reason, nowhere near enough people would cry. I don't think anyone actually would. Hence, no new oceans, hence no flooding, hence no drowning."

Claude can be such an asshole sometimes.

But it's okay, because when we're married I'll help him learn to phrase things in a more pleasent matter. Whilst raising our offspring we're bound to have.

. . .

But I digress.

I wonder if Ciel realises his diary is missing yet?

I think I just heard a scream that sounded distinctly Ciel-ish. You know- all warped by his weird chin. Kid has himself a good set of lungs if I can hear him from this far away.

_**20 minutes later.**_

Cue frantic, vicious pounding on my (poor, undeserving of such foul treatment) front door. I peeped out my window and saw Ciel and his butler standing outside the door, Ciel still continuing his brutal attack on my door. And damn, he looks pissed. I'm actually rather scared. Such a violent energy coming from such a tiny body just doesn't seem right. Well I think I'm going to go and hide in my closet until Claude makes them leave.

5 minutes later.

Claudes yelling at me to go downstairs and "greet my guests". Doesn't he understand that I _don't_ want to see them!

And to stop being such a "goddamn little asshole"

And that if he had to come up here himself to get me then "I'll kill you unless you get your -censor- ass down here. Right. This. -censor-. Instant. (I'm censoring these words for you, diary. You don't need to hear what he said. Im protecting your innocence! Plus, I would just feel _icky_ writing those kid of words into you.

Hm. Claudes yelling some more.

I never knew he had such a foul-mouth. Perhaps he's on his demon-period?

. . .

I hear footsteps stomping up the staircase.

. . .

OHSHI-

* * *

**AN: FFNT. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. My private messages/inbox are goooooonnnneee D: [OUR MEMORIES HAVE ALL DISSAPPEARED , THE ALMIGHTY MIAN -sadface-] I detest the new layout, like whoa. Wtf. And school, y u so ghey? (fully the reason I havent been able to update as frequently, along with my busted laptop) I am so looking forward to the long weekend. :3 I bought a shitton of art supplies, and I'm planning on having a 3 day long non-stop artgasm in my artroom. Fffffft. Ysplz**


	21. BonusChapterPlusImportantAN

**AN: This is just an extra chapter type thing, because I have a rather important thing to say, and you can't only have an authors note in a ffnt. So this is not a continuation of the last chapter, and I apologize :) However this will be taken down and replaced eventually with the actual story. So. . . . enjoy this which is only here for no reason other then I needed something to put with an A.N. So if you wouldnt mind reading the AN at the end I would be so effing happy. **

* * *

_Dear Diary._

I have a new life ambition. I want to have Claudes babies! I got the idea from Grelle, after he told me about how he wants to have 'Sebby Darling's children' and I decided I wanted to do the same with Claude.

Timber's so silly, he tried telling me that I don't have 'the necessary parts to have children' but he's wrong! I have a stomach! And that's where babies grow! Ladies grow them in the stomachs_ all the time!_ Maybe demons don't have stomachs, and that's where Timber got his misconception from? I don't really know. . . And besides, I'm Alois Trancy! I can do whatever I want!

I wasn't really sure on what the best way to approach Claude would be. How does one tell someone that they want to have their children? So I decided the best possible time would be at dinner, when everyone was gathered in the dining room.(Even if I am the only one that actually_ eats,_ I want to have company when doing so!) So then the triplets and Hannah can bear witness to the best question Claude will ever get asked in his long lifetime! I'm so considerate like that.

It was all quiet except for the sound of my chewing. "Claude. . . Let me have your children!"

The room went even quieter, if such a thing was possible. And then Claude started spluttering and turned a ghastly shade of purplish red. Hannah stared in shock, and Timber, Thompson and Canterbury looked absolutely mind-boggled. I don't know why though.

And then Claude said yes!

. . .

Well, if the word 'yes' was pronounced exactly the same way as "OHFUCKNO!"

But I digress.

-A.T-F.

* * *

**AN****:Neah, ignore that :L I just needed something to put there. Poor, uneducated Alois. . . thinking babies grow in tummies xD.**

**BUT I DIGRESS. **_**PLEASE READ**_**.**

**Quite frankly, ****I feel this fanfiction is coming to an end. ****THE END IS NIGH, YOU GAIZ. I just … lack inspiration for it anymore. I will definitly finisht the continuation to last chapter, and replace this chapter with it eventually. Eventually being the operative word. I'm really sorry. I will try my best to put a few more chapters on, but again, eventually. For more info go to my profile~ I kinda explained it better there.**

**ANYHOO. I'm working on a new fanfiction. It's Kuroshitsuji and it's AU. It's also ClaudexAlois. B****ut I would really really really really like a Beta-reader ****for it! A nice one lol. If you're interested then I have more info about it on my profile! PLEASE? Lmao I feel like such a failsnail. 8D **

**Iloveyouguys. **


	22. continuation of chap 20

**AN: Continuation of Chapter 20, **

Dear Diary,

Claude had so very, very, cruelly and _forcefully_ (mmm) dragged me from my hiding spot in the closet, and roughly pushed me down the stairs- despite my desperate whining of "Clauuuuuuuuuuuudeee, noooooooooooo, I don't waaaaaaaaannnnnttttt to see Cieeeeeeeeeeeellllllll!"

He shoved me towards an absolutely furious looking Ciel, and a calm, smiling Sebstian, and I'm fairly certain I heard him mutter the words 'Take him. Just take him.'

I'm not going to lie diary, I was terrified. Despite his short-ness, Ciel can be a scary BAMF when he wants to be. (Well, more like he orders Sebastian to do scary BAMF things, but still. . .)

Oh my god, they're _staring _at me! Expectantly! What do I say!

"Erm. . . Hi. . ." I greeted them rather awkwardly. Nice one , Alois.

"Hello." Ciels reply was cold, with just a smidgen of fury lacing it. Sebastian just smiled even wider in acknowledgment. . . Creeeepy. I shuddered as his red eyes began to bore into my own. I tried passing the resulting shudder off as something sexual. Y'know, like some kind of deformed shimmy. So I moaned as I shuddered. And gave them 'bedroom eyes' . Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking either. It seemed like a good way to mask my fear at the time! Don't judge me, diary!

Their responses were a raised eyebrow ( from my SRFL) and a considerably smaller smile (from my SRFL's butler) I was also pretty sure I could hear Claude head-desking from somewhere in the mansion. I regret _nothing._

"So. . . what brings you to this part of the neighbourhood?"

"Cut the bullshit, Trancy. You know why we're here." Ciels voice can be so. . . _blah_.

"Why _no_, Ciel dearest, I have _absolutely no idea _at all why you are here!" I lied.

"I'm here to retrieve a 'personal item' of mine that has mysteriously disappeared. And by 'mysteriously disappeared' I mean 'stolen', by _you_." Ciel's voice was filled with certainty. How did he even _know_? It's not as if I left some note beside him that said "HEY, LOL CIEL, THIS IS ALOIS, IM STEALIN' YO DIARY. PEACE OUT."

. . .

I'm climbing in yo' windows, snatching yo' diaries up, tryna read them, so yo' needa hide yo' diaries, hide yo' journals. *

. . .

I digress.

"_My goodness_! How could you even accuse me of committing such a _horrendous_ crime! My heart _aches_ to hear such a good friend of mine would think I am capable to do something as _low_ as steal a 'personal item' of yours!" Pft, and Claude said I wasn't a good actor.

"I repeat, cut the bullshit, Trancy. Just give it back and we can forget this ever happened." Ciel was actually starting to look a bit nervous and flustered. I wasn't scared anymore diary! Well. . . still just a bit. But only because Sebastian was there.

"Give _what_ back, Ciel?" I tried continuing to play innocent.

"You know damn well what I mean."

"No, I'm afraid I don't."

"Please, just give it back." Oh my, was he pleading? How _delicious_. And why was he not just saying exactly what he wanted back?

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're referring to." I was planning to make him come right out and admit he keeps a diary, like the little bitch he is.

. . .

Not that keeping diaries isn't totally awesome and spectacular, diary! . . . Just, not when Ciel does it.

. . .

"You know exactly what I'm referring to! Just go get it already!" My, he was rather testy.

"Nope, maybe if you told me what it was, then perhaps I would know what you're going on about." Cue challenging and presumptuous smirk from myself, and Ciel's face paling just a wee bit more. Damn, that kid was pallid. Is he some kind of wannabe ghost?

"Ugh. . _. canIpleasehavemyjournalback_!" the words were rushed, yet still understandable.

What happened next was suprising. Sebastian let out a gasp, and then a squeal of

"Awww, Bocchan keeps a diary! That's so cute! What's in it! Is there anything about me!"

And bam, Ciel transforms from ghostly child into tomato child.

Oh.

_Oh._

Ciel's reluctance to admit what it was all made a hell of a lot more sense now. Obviously, the diary was kept a secret even from Sebastian.

. . .

And that's when I remembered the rather incriminating things written about Sebastian.

And that's when I had the best plan ever.

"Oh! Now that you mention it. . . I _do_ have a faint recollection of something similar to that! " I grinned widely to the beaming Sebastian and mortified Ciel.

"Just. . . go get it_, please_."

"Certainly! Just wait here for a moment! I'll be right back!" and with that I bounded up the staircase to my room, and began to eagerly search for his diary.

Two minutes later saw me stalking slowly towards Sebastian and Ciel, holding the diary in my arms protectively.

"Is that your diary, Cielly?" Sebastian asked my SRFL. (and seriously, "Cielly" ? the fuck?"

"Yes. Don't call me that" Well wasn't he just talkative. He then started walking towards me and made to grab the book.

"No. Just wait a second, 'Cielly' " I snickered as I held the book high above my head, well out of his reach.

"What? Give me my journal back this _instance_!"

"I think Sebastian should hear some things first, certain things, if you get what I mean. 'WINK WINK'"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh? What things, Master Trancy?" Sebastians voice sounded curious.

"Allow me to read them to you, from his diary."

And then diary, I proceeded to read aloud the numerous love poems Ciel had written, and all the splendid adjectives Ciel had used to describe his butler. And I also showed him all the hearts doodled along the margins.

* * *

**AN: Oh golly, long wait. I suck. But I have my reasons!**

**I am no longer a single pringle, so bah, kinda hafta spend time with my babe **

**My laptop. It fucked out sooooo bad. It wasn't even worth tryna type anymore.**

**-I have my end of year exams next week. ): So yah, I'vehad to study. Ick.**

* * *

**-READ-THIS- (if you want) **

**But Ohmygosh guys, I have a tumblr now! Wooooooot~ If you want the link it's on my profile. I would love to talk to anyone on there (: Please don't hesitate ! I'm not some awful bitch, I promise **

**Secondly: Does anyone have msn/ebuddy, and wanna chat? I promise I'm not a creeper :P Seriously though, Pm if you're interested! I would fucking adore talking to you guys (: SRS. DO IT. :D ****Anyone****, don't be shy **

***= Pretty much a blantant ripoff of the bed intruder song.**


	23. Art? ART!

Dear Diary

Today, I decided that I, Alois Trancy-Faustus, had a shining career awaiting me in art. As in, I was going to become an artist. And not just any old artist, I was going to be the very best, like no-one ever was. I was going to become sooooo famous.

Even Claude would be astounded by my skill! He would see my super fabulous amazing paintings and drawings, and then he would say:

"_Oh, Alois! These pieces of utterly astounding artworks that you worked soooo hard to create are sooo incredibly amazing and fantastic and ohmyGAWSH I think I'm wet these are sooo amazing I just LUV them sooo much these are soooo cool just like you and will you marry me~!"_

And then I shall scold him for using run-on sentences, but will eventually accept his marriage proposal and we shall live happily ever after!

Or something similar to that.

But not quite.

At all.

I digress. What was I talking about before Claude? Oh, being an artist. I'd never actually drawn anything before, but I assume it must be easy. Art doesn't really even take talent, does it? It's just putting lines on paper. Simple. Easy-Peasey.

So thus began my foray into the wonderful world of _art. _But, err, I didn't actually have any art supplies. Not even a pencil and a scrap of paper.

"~"

Instantly the sexybitch was by my side, all dark and mysterious, oooooo tingles~

"Yes?"

"Oh babe, that's what you'll be screaming tonight." I thought. And then realised that I had accidently said it out loud. To Claude. In quite possibly the creepiest whisper-like tone he's ever heard. Lol, oops. However, to his credit he just ignored it. And raised an eyebrow. And kind of glared at me.

"Um, what I MEANT to say, was that I need to go into town. . ." I declared whilst posing sexily. (Diary, I don't know why I posed like that either. It must of just been a really passionate moment for me. IDK.)

"What for?" he queried, again pointedly ignoring my sexy posing. Is he really that oblivious to my charms! I'm Alois Trancy-Faustus for F's sake! I am fucking FABULOUS! He shouldn't be so immune to my sexaaay-ness! But alas, it appears he is.

"CLAUDE. OH MY GOD. STOP WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS. SERIOUSLY. This is urgent! We must immediately make haste! Quickly Claude!" This was all shouted as I began to race out the door, until Claude stopped me by roughly yanking (mmm) the back of my jacket, effectively stopping me before I even got on boot-clad foot outside.

"We're not going anywhere until you tell me what for, your highness." He admonished, his golden eyes burning into mine with the sparkling ferver of love. Or just the dull gleam all eyes happen to possess. Same thing really.

"NO TIME TO EXPLAIN CLAUDE! WE HAVE TO HURRY!" I yelled into his face, waving my arms around frantically.

"No. Explain why all of a sudden you need to go into town so urgently. The last time that happened it was because you wanted ladies undergarments. I am _not_ going through that again." The last part of his sentence was hissed, as I smiled fondly at the memory, it had indeed been a great day.

"It's not for that reason, silly Claudey, this time it's a _different_ reason!"

"Which would be _what_, exactly?"

"I need art supplies!" I explained, whilst giving him a look that said : _quite clearly this is what this whole thing is about Claude, even though I've never expressed an interest in art before, but gosh, how slow can you be!_

"Why?"

"Because, Claude! I'm going to be an _artist_!"

"No."

. . .

What.

Did Claude just defy me? Did Claude just say 'no' to me?

This. . .

Cannot be happening to me.

He's MY butler, he's supposed to do what I want! He's not supposed to say no!

", whhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" I whined, giving him my 'tragic' facial expression. (But still sexy. Sexy-tragic.)

"Do you even know anything about art?"

"Well, yeah, kind of. It's paintings and stuff."

"Do you know _how_ to 'paint and stuff'?"

"Well. . . I haven't tried but I'm sure it should be easy." As I said this he gave me a look like '_are you fucking kidding me?'_

So I gave him back a look like '_if only you took the word 'kidding' out of that sentence'_

"Do you know the first thing about colour theory, lighting and shadows, textures and things like that? Do you know all the different mediums and the pros and cons of each? Anatomy? The importance of using the right paintbrush for different pieces?-" he began to rant at me, while I just kind of stared at him in shock. How did Claude even know any of that shit? Until I interrupted him with a small "No. . ."

He then calmed down a bit and stopped all his huffing. "Exactly. So therefore, the answer is 'No'."

Well quite clearly he didn't understand just how fantastic I am. Sure, I didn't know what 'colour theory' meant, but I knew that purple was a nice colour. So that's practically the same thing. I think. I'm sure I was going to be a total natural at this whole 'art thing'.

I looked him square in the eyes, and firmly told him that _yes_, he _was_ in fact going to take me to town, and _yes,_ he _was_ going to purchase me all the art supplies I required. This was all said in a low, threatening tone so he got the message.

Apparently he didn't get the message.

"The answer is still no."

So diary, I did the only thing that was possible.

I followed him around for the afternoon sobbing (sexily) and whining ", ? I itttttttttttttttttttttt."

Four hours later he agreed to buy me art supplies. YES. Alois :1 , Claude:0

But I was sad when he said I couldn't go into town with him, and he would just go by himself 'because it's quicker without having to deal with burdens'. Not quite sure what he meant by that. Hmmmm. . . . Hannah wasn't going to come with us. So it was a mystery as to who he was talking about, because surely he wouldn't call _me_ a burden?

* * *

Finally, after waiting for a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very long time (probably at least an hour) of impatiently sitting in an armchair I had dragged towards the door, anxiously awaiting my darlings return. More importantly my darlings return with my art supplies! Squeeeeeee! I heard the tell-tale signs of the gravel crunching as Claude pulled up.

Diary, it was really happening. In a few minutes I would be an artist!

A disgruntled Claude dumped the bag of supplies in my lap before stalking off somewhere. I don't know where. I'm assuming the kitchen to make me a sandwich.

I eagerly pawed through everything, there was some paper, some pencils and some paint, along with a variety of paintbrushes. Okay, seems simple enough. Now I was off to create art!

* * *

Diary, why did I ever think this would be simple? I can't even draw a straight line on the paper, and I definitely can't draw pictures. Well, there is _one_ of Claude and I that looked allrightish. But not really. And my attempts at painting weren't any better, the colours which I had intended to blend beautifully to correctly portray what I wanted to ended up looking like smudgy blobs. And not even the sexy kind. Well, perhaps, just this once, I will concede that Claude might have been right for once.

PS: I tried doing a nude picture of Hannah (as she was the only one willing to pose), but her tits wouldn't fit on the paper.

-Alois the failed artist Trancy.

* * *

**AN: Tumblr tumblr tumblr tumblr. Link on profile (:. Lmao, I'm thinking of drawing Alois' pictures, and putting them on my deviant art or tumblr :L . ALSO: Guess whose going as the biebs to a "come as your favourite rockstar" party. Trololol. Also I wrote an extra long chapter because I love all of you. I can't beliEB (gettit?) that this is on over 100 favourites lists :L. ILY fabulous bitches. ALSO 2: Summmmmmmmmmer. YES. YES. YES. No school until February (; I want someone to msn with :C I promise not to be a pedophile. Mostly.**


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